Look at those suckers exercising behind me--never again! Exercise is such a pain! You have to put on an outfit, then you have to do a painful workout and get all sweaty and smelly. Then you have to shower--and sometimes you have pain in the days after! The benefits of exercise, however, are significant. So what are we to do?
I've been working on a project for sometime to eliminate the need for exercise. You heard me: ELIMINATE THE NEED FOR EXERCISE. Now I'm finally ready to introduce this amazing innovation in fitness.
With great pride, I introduce "F-it!," an app that uses magnetic pulses to stimulate your muscles just like exercise, making exercise completely obsolete!
Simply download the F-it! app, turn it on, and hold your phone to the muscles that you'd like to work! For just $8.99, you can download the F-it! app on your phone, or for serious goals, download it to your tablet. In-app purchases include modes like "Cellulite Eradication," "The Booty Lifter" and "Gut Eraser."
Details on the app release date to follow!
UPDATE - 8:42 AM, APRIL 1, 2016: Due to an unfortunate disagreement between myself and the scientist who helped me engineer F-it!, looks like there is going to be a serious delay in the release of F-it!. In the meantime, guess the world will have to continuing exercising and eating nutritious food.
Can't wait for the app? Let's talk about your health & fitness goals!